if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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