Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
soo... how was my night?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
