I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
