Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
