I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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