I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
