Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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