Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You smell like stripper and shame
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
