Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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