how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
