we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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