like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
