dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
