All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
