I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
