I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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