no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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