with your own penis?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
