you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
