dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
