Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
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I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
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Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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