I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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