eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
how does that bad decision feel?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
