So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
