Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
