new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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