I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
