Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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