I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
