At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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