so explain again why im purple
no
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
