I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
