my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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