she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
