My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
