Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
