I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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