who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
