why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
