So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
