omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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