i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
