I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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