tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
