I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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