Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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