its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Randomize
