i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
