his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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