And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
