You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
