Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
