best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
