Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
