Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
