i think i have herpe
just one?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
