He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
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If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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