Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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