I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
