Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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