i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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