tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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