hotel room ftw
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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