What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
