Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
