Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
