just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
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so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
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When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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