The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
