I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
