Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
