Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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