Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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